I don't know about you, but I really struggle with faith. Not "my faith", but wondering if I really have enough faith and trust in God when things gets tough.
I really do have faith in God and faith in His promises, but when you are in the middle of a major struggle or crisis in your life, sometimes faith is hard. I have complete faith that God will answer prayers, but then I wonder, "Am I praying enough, am I praying the right things, when I wonder why things aren't happening does it mean my faith is not strong enough, when I think about the worst case scenario and what could happen, does that erase all the prayers I've prayed because I'm doubting the outcome, does it make me have to start over with my prayers, does it hinder the prayers I've already prayed?"
For me those are all really hard questions I struggle with in crisis. I know God is there and I know He has a plan, but is my faith or sometimes lack thereof a hindrance to what He is trying to accomplish or change? What if the outcome is different than what I am praying for, does that mean my faith wasn't strong enough?
Matthew 17 says, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed...nothing will be impossible for you." When you think of a mustard seed you think of something so small. I think surely my faith is at least as large as mustard seed. But how do we measure faith, is my faith as large as a mustard seed?
I know I have to trust that the God I serve is bigger than any crisis. I have to believe that my faith is strong enough. I know I have to have faith in God's promises. I do have complete faith in God. I do know that God is bigger than any crisis in my life. I do know that my God can accomplish anything. So why is it that those little shreds of doubt are always creeping in?
I will continue to pray the prayer of the boy's father in Luke 9, "I do believe; help me overcome my disbelief".
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