As I lay in bed last night praying, I suddenly found myself examining my prayer life. I have always been a prayer, that is not the problem. But I think it's more how I pray. I have certain things I pray for every day, probably #1 is my children and my family. And I always pray for people I know who have special needs or concerns. But as I was praying last night something just hit me and I started feeling like I was missing out on something. I think I realized I am missing out on more of a dialogue or conversation with God. I realized I'm not taking the time to be still before Him and just listen.
I know that God knows everything on our minds and hearts even before we tell Him or pray for it, but there are still certain things I feel like I need to tell Him or ask Him every day. I want to have more of an open dialogue with God when I pray, more of just a conversation with Him about my day and then take the time to listen to see if He reveals anything to me. But I struggle with not praying some of things I pray for every day. Not that I can't do both. But last night I just got this weird feeling. I was praying and there were some different than the norm things on my heart I was praying for. But I felt like I had to pray for all my every day prayer stuff first. Like if I didn't pray for the things about my kids that I always pray, something would happen. I know that probably sounds weird, but it just hit me like that and that's never happened before. That's when I started thinking maybe I'm doing too much talking and not enough listening. Because I know that God already knows the things on my heart about my kids.
Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling now. I know I'm probably just weird. I know God is not calling me away from praying those things that are always on my heart, but I do think He is calling me to something different. Hopefully He will help me sort all of this out.
Reflections on 40 Years of Marriage
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